6+ REASONS YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A PLAYBOY BUNNY and Hef Sex Secrets

OKAY READY GIRLS AND BOYS?

Recently a book has come out about the etiquette of being a bunny. It s called the Bunny Book: How to Walk, Talk Tease and Please like a Playboy Bunny…. IT’S PICTURED HERE BUT Go buy it on Amazon.. you can figure it out.. I’m too lazy to provide a link.

Basically I just cut and pasted some of the best parts from the article since it was a PDF but here are some things that stuck out to me as especially shitty. God, it’s like being in some sort of Nazi group. I wonder if Hef would whip out his post Viagra penis to punish you with if you stepped out of line.. sorry. That was overly foul.

BUNNY RULES WHICH ARE ALREADY CRAMPING MY STYLE:

1) No drinking in front of club members—not even water.

2) Bunnies can smoke—but only one Bunny at a time, and in all cases the Bunny must “take a puff” and place the cigarette in an ashtray. No standing or sitting with a cigarette!

3) Major offenses include: Bunny ears worn incorrectly, bikini panties showing or not worn, or an unkempt tail.

4) makeup is an “invaluable aid”; makeup applications should include eye shadow, liner, false lashes, bright lipstick, and vivid lip-gloss. Also, don’t forget—wigs and hairpieces can be a Bunny’s best friend!

5) No Dancing except with other bunnies

6) Touching or Dating a Customer= immediate firing

UGH, forget the dancing…….wigs? I would totally fuck that shit up. My wig would be off the second I started dancing w/ my first cute customer…. right after my 3rd martini after which I was sitting down smoking a cig. Hahaha. That’s it- I’m out.

Additionally, there are actual demerits for lateness, etc. god, its like boot camp with boobs and a hot outfit. I think the cut outs below are like the best part… hahahhaha I LOVE IT.

SO HERE’S SOME REAL DIRT:

Supposedly, the girls traveled with Hefner in a white limousine which had a _leopard-skin interior, with Playboy bunny logos sewn onto the seats every time they go out. As they left the mansion, they drank Dom Perignon champagne and downed Quaaludes, a prescription-only sedative drug popularized in the Seventies and now handed out by Hefner.

 

MORE INFO ON LIVING IN THE MANSION AND FUCKING HEF:

In a tell-all (err, tell some) on Perez, Kendra (who is my fave fave fave one from Girls Next Door) mentioned that Hef was one of the strictest ppl she ever had to live w. She said she only had to fuck him like once a week and it was on a super strict regimen bc they had to make sure the Viagra was set in.

Besides that she said she was thankful for the experience and the 1K/week allowance but was def ready to peace.

Praise for being a bunny:
Besides money, money, money, there were some ladies who praised their time at Playboy. One mentioned she developed her life long motto there:
“If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right, the first time”. (UM I feel like the consequences of doing something wrong might have had something to do w/ that… but I’m just saying)

And for any haters out there who have some issue with fake boobs and platinum hair: EAT IT. Here’s what you really need to know:

Playboy bunnies embrace the cartoonish ideal. They’ve got nothing against using their bodacious bods, real or enhanced, to get a guy. All liberated ladies — at least the ones I talked to — do.

And sensitive, liberated men? They’re torn, if they even exist. Or, in the words of one man I spoke to: “Self-flagellating.” He knows he should appreciate all the beautiful, brilliant women around him. “But bunnies can still cook,” he said, miserable at his own failure to evolve into an enlightened male. “And,” he whispered hoarsely, “they know how to can.” (NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: was this dude high? “they know how to can?” high guy, that’s not a sentence and if you can’t cook you’re a fucking retard anyway- plus the playboy bunnies get their food made for them fool…)

This just goes to show how powerful the bunny ideal is. By the time a 29-year-old hipster is fantasizing about a woman who can put up tomatoes for the winter, he has, technically, lost his mind.

 

BUT I MEAN WHO CAN BE A HATER WHEN hugh hefner basically made my favorite halloween costume??? hahahaha jkjkjk. He’s fucking awesome.

AND here’s some bunny music… HAHAHAH no its just fun music.. but you can stil do the bunny hop to it. 

XOOOXOOX

http://8tracks.com/mixes/1469331/player_v3_universal

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